NAPLAN, Charley's marks

NAPLAN Writing Rubric

Persuasive genre		Score 1-5
Audience	The writer’s capacity to orient, engage and persuade the reader	4
Text structure	The organisation of the structural components of a persuasive text (introduction, body and conclusion) into an appropriate and effective text structure	4
Ideas	The selection, relevance and elaboration of ideas for a persuasive argument	4
Persuasive devices	The use of a range of persuasive devices to enhance the writer’s position and persuade the reader	3
Vocabulary	The range and precision of contextually appropriate language choices	3
Cohesion	The control of multiple threads and relationships across the text, achieved through the use of grammatical elements (referring words, text connectives, conjunctions) and lexical elements (substitutions, repetitions, word associations)	3
Paragraphing	The segmenting of text into paragraphs that assists the reader to follow the line of argument	3
Sentence structure	The production of grammatically correct, structurally sound and meaningful sentences	3
Punctuation	The use of correct and appropriate punctuation to aid the reading of the text	5
Spelling	The accuracy of spelling and the difficulty of the words used	3
TOTAL		35 /50

Comment:

Pretty good but one sentence looks unfinished and one word had wrong spelling too. Body was a good size but intro and conclusion is a bit small, Next time, read through your work and check for these careless mistakes.

Cages: Cruelty to animals

I am going to write about why I agree keeping animals in cages are cruel because sometimes, being in one place all the time is very lonely and the animal can't move anywhere. Imagine you being placed in a cage! How would you feel now? Animals should normally live in free wide spaces instead of one small space, in the wild is best for an animal, in a zoo it is acceptable for an animal but in a cage, it's a nightmare for an animal.

I agree that putting animals in a cage is very cruel because it can definitely injure or kill animals. Take a large animal for instance, a bear that was in captivity was put in a very small cage and that it was straining to get out. If he keeps on straining, then he is going to hurt or most likely kill himself. The cage was made in wood and part of it broke because the bear was too big. The bear then stuck his hand through the broken part hoping that it can get out but he didn't and that even hurt him more. There are other disadvantages of being in a cage. Animal would be alone, hurt, bored, and pampered. However, cages are not cruel if you let the animal out once in a while everyday.

Overall though, cages are cruel unless you know an animals feelings. If you need to use a cage, then you have to let an animal you own out for a while and then when it is time, you should put the animal back into it's cage. But using cages, it has to depend on a lot things. One is the animal, it's size, weight, strength, agility, behavior and many other things. So, if an animal is very naughty, then it would be the cage for him/her but still, you have to let it out even if it is naughty because being locked in a cage would be boring for him/her.